i feel shit for the pass 4 weeks.
alone at home, alone in campus, had my dinner alone, walked alone, bathed alone, slept alone, cried alone.
missing someone even worsen the entire scenario.
i wish that you were here with me, but we stuck where we are,
and it's so hard, you're so far.

it's been a while i never update my blog. things changed a lot until i've forgotten there is still a place for me to rest on. my blog. i've been so helpless and don't know where should i rely on. friends are not long lasting or forever. even i newly-met friends can just ignore my existence while i actually meet them everyday. they went off without telling, hang out without inviting, just make me feel lemonade. feel bad that i do not have some true friends to rely on, i dont think my 18 year old going smooth. imagine you were 18 and you couldnt even find friends that really care. it feels like shit, desperately finding some holes to hide in. let me be alone will do.. rather than found some friends that eventually dump me after some days and yet without any reason.

new ajk list is ready. old ajk list is going to be wipe away. my name is no longer on the board. forever not. seeing grace is taking my post , seeing grace's name is written overlap mine, i feel grateful. this is the first time i realise that amcco is that warm that lovely that i never wanted to leave. thanks to the juniors. thanks to the seniors. that beautified my memory which can never be share never be forget never be slipping off my mind. seeing my hu is being use my junior, knowing that im no longer a section leader. seeing grace, knowing im no longer a head of instru department. is time to leave, is time to give away, to see a higher achievement from the next batch. from the day i started to join co, i've got into a train, a train that went genting went penang went cameron went taiwan that showed everyone's impressive characteristics, that unleash hidden potentials and talents. there's laughter, tears of happiness, tears of disappointments , hugs of warmth along the long journey of the train. the bond between us is getting stronger and stronger, until we can close our eyes when playing on the stage, rely and believing each others, and our conductor, who leading the whole team of us towards our goal. tears shedding on stage and however we cried like one of a kind, we never bother, tears streaming down, and dropped . until the last note of the song, everything EVERYTHING of co flashed in my mind, the images keep flashing fast untill the image that im on the stage, the last note is played. yuefei the greatest song we ever played, that touched everyone of us, everyone of the audience, the workers of the competition, and even the pro mr lim and ms lim. we cried like shit after we left the stage, hugs of warmth from every juniors. :') thats the greatest station we went throughout the journey , is time to get down the train, let it fill with new passengers , new batch of members, awaiting for the next peak of achievement.

i cry easily.

when mum is backed and she scolded me without reason

i cried. i hadnt start to talk a single word yet.

when mum scolded me again to clean up the shits

i cried. it is not my responsibility to clean up the mess everyday.

when everyone left the house

i cried. why is my holiday shit like one of a kind.

i just started my holiday, and y'all are commanding me to do this and that

so am i having my holiday seriously?

i havent finish my works yet. i havent hang out for once yet. i havent go shopping yet. i havent watch any movie yet. i havent watch any drama yet. i havent do what i wanted to do.

well i think i 'm having my worst holiday ever since 24/12/1994.

bulllshit

sad that no one is asking me out for a hang-out, my dear friends.

i think im no one in everyone's heart.

everyone is leaving, and.

im lost.

i never be that far apart from her before

she taught me a lot , helped me a lot,

opinions from her is what i need the most

supports from her is my strongest catalyst

i think i wouldn't use to be backing home to a house that lack of her laughters

lack of her lameness.

you're moving and i started to miss you already

khong hui yi.

MY BEST SISTER EVER.

tears streaming down is unstoppable. i think my face is free from bacteria. tears contain lysozyme. ha-ha.

not the worst day ever

but i am not happy at all

shit happened?

urgh, stuck with relationship stuffs that i never wanted to get into

i aint popular aint famous

so let me go and get another girl.

ya as cheryl said so im bad i suck i what ever shit it is im always that bad

and let him suffering like hell but im not going to give a damn on it.

ho shit . ya, im bad i do not care what he feels.

what they mean by HELP

how to help

help in? relationship stuff?

aha, isnt that giving hope? and the next time that i disregard,

ya im even bad that time. so im not going to HELP him now , no matter how bad he feels

even he posted status like self-harm, so sorry i will not going to help anymore.

i rather be a bad one now instead of a real bad selfish heartless

not considerate not thoughtful woman.

i do not want to be a bitch.

sorry for now, thank me in future.

ha. ha.

why are you going to music camp!
why are you keep appearing in front of me
i wanted to get rid of you so badly
even just a single day.
just before i leave co.
this camp is my only hope. PLEASE. D:
i cant do well i feel uncomfortable i play it like shit when you're with me
i have no confidence in front of you.
your technique your volume
i lose, right?
so freaking tired of getting a j like you
i lost all my strength all my tears
youre like putting tonnes of pressure on me.
i aint perfect, im a loser, everyone is leaving
im drowning
im collapsing
im dying
im done
get a life, azq.


i aint a natural. stop throwing high expectation on me.
feel like shit right now

why are those people
acting like theyre hot
acting like theyre class
yet theyre gossip others like no one else
oh bullshit
why using a fake account to scold others instead of their real account
c'on what are they hesitate of
show their faces if they dislike one
not to be mad cause of them
but why are they keep putting on their masks
why cant they take it off
once they were good friends of mine
what will you feel when once a closest friend of yours did that to you

最近的我很想哭，不知为何，
就是想哭。
泪没经过我的允许
落了下来
滑过我的脸颊
我抹了又抹
怎么都抹不完
我也不知为何
泪就是停不下来
我前个月的人生过得太好了
真的，
好景不长
忽然觉得我的生活 好烦 好乱 好讨人厌
为什么他们就是不珍惜我对他们的好
对他们的关心
我真的那么不值得被珍惜吗
我真的那么廉价吗
我真的那么不想被你们在乎
不想被你们理会
甚至你们可以把我当透明一样看待吗
原来真的没有付出多少就得到多少的事情
我做的一切全全都被忽视的
只因为我没有价值
我算什么啊
朋友算什么啊
原来只有我单方面的付出
真心的想对朋友好
好像我对他们的好是理所当然的
我对他们好，当然他们 不需要 对我好
是这意思吗

丘育桦我是真心对你好的
但这几年来你都不怎么在乎
不知为何我就是想对你好
但也不知为何你就是那么的不在乎
我们这几年的关系就是这样

stop giving me clues and want me to guess

-you did not change.

i know you really decided hard to wrote this

but i just have no idea what should i reply

so i decided to ignore your comment

people, dont left comments that i seriously dont know how to reply plss. :S